Pilot Uniform For Sale

The following is a true story. The name of the airline has been changed to protect the author. Sometimes truth is funnier than fiction. But if you don't laugh... you might just cry.


Ebay recently pulled a listing that a ***** Air Lines Captain had placed on the auction site. Up for sale? Captain Wendall Lewis's Captain's uniform. After Lewis saw his monthly pension of $6500 slashed by 73%, he decided to make a statement.

And here was his statement:

AUTHENTIC ***** Air Lines Captain Pilot Uniform This uniform was worn by a dedicated ***** Pilot for many years. Now retired and robbed of part, or all, of promised pension, uniform is now offered for sale to supplement income. Suit is worn and empty but filled with memories and honor. Suit has been across many miles and many experiences. Suit was once filled with pride and service getting thousands of passengers to their destination safely. Suit has been through rain, snow, ice, and wind without a single tear or scratch. Suit once controlled multi-million dollar assets, flown throughout the world, with billions of dollars of liability to the company. Suit has never cost company one (1) cent in accident or injury.


Although the suit is worn and has been discarded by the company, it can be yours. Suit is clean but used. Coat may be soiled from hydraulic fluid or grease as plane was inspected. Shirt may be soiled from mad dashes through the airport in a rush to the next plane in an effort to get back on schedule. Tie may have stains from fast food meals that were hurriedly eaten while at the controls.


Tie comes with your choice of pins, Air Line Pilots Association, Air Force, or Airplane. Pants may show signs of wear from may hours spent strapped into a seat, hip shows some signs of wear from firearm used to protect you and your passengers from harm. Shoes are shiny but worn. Suit comes with choice of Old ***** or New ***** emblems. Many prefer the Old *****.
Suit is thought by many to have APHRODISIAC qualities, although this cannot be confirmed or denied.

BEWARE putting on this suit can have adverse effects on your life. It can cause you to miss your childrens' birth. It can cause you to miss holiday reunions, family times, and weekends. You may miss your Daughter's prom and your Son's graduation. Your family may think Christmas is not always on December 25th. Your wife will have to learn to be a single parent when you are gone for days. The suit can cause you to miss entire nights of sleep or get up at 3 AM to meet your next schedule. Your neighbors may be jealous of you and think you do not deserve to wear the uniform or be compensated for your work.

Originally suit required a four year college degree and an internship of 5-10 years in the military, and another 10-15 years for the fourth stripe . Suit comes with a promise of a pension if you provide years of dedication and service. THE PROMISE MAY BE AS EMPTY AS THE SUIT. Now it can be had for the highest bid. Good Luck bidding.


Bidding started at $1.00. Before Ebay pulled the plug on the auction, Lewis apparently received hundreds of emails from other airline employees.

Moral of this story: I'm not selling my uniform(s) to make up for my pension, I'm just selling books.

Contribute to the cause: Flight For Control.

Where fiction mirrors truth.

Enjoy the Journey!
XOX Karlene