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"We are the protagonists of our stories called life, and there is no limit to how high we can fly."


Type rated on A330, B747-400, B747, B757, B767, B737, B727. International Airline Pilot / Author / Speaker. Dedicated to giving the gift of wings to anyone following their dreams. Supporting Aviation Safety through training, writing, and inspiration.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

At Home Pilot Training


If you miss the adventure of long haul flying, don’t fret. There is something that you can do to remember the joy of flying on the backside of the clock across the ocean.

 

Practice the following at home:

1. Stay out of bed all night

2. Sit in your most uncomfortable chair, in a closet, for nine or ten hours facing a four-foot wide panoramic photo of a flight deck.

3. Have two or three noisy vacuum cleaners on high, out of sight but within hearing distance and operating throughout the night. If a vacuum cleaner fails, do the appropriate restart checklist.

4. Halfway through your nocturnal simulator course, arrange for a bright spotlight to shine directly into your face for two or three hours, simulating flying an eastbound flight into the sunrise.

5. Have bland overcooked food served on a tray midway through the night.

6. Have cold cups of coffee delivered from time to time. Ask your spouse to slam the door frequently.

7. At the time when you must heed nature's call, force yourself to stand outside the bathroom door for at least ten minutes, transferring your weight from leg to leg, easing the discomfort. Don't forget to wear your hat.

8. Leave the closet after the prescribed nine or ten hours, turn on your sprinklers and stand out in the cold and 'rain' for twenty minutes, simulating the wait for the crew car.

9. Head for your bedroom, wet and with your suitcase and flight bag. Stand outside the door until your wife gets up and leaves, simulating the wait while the maid makes up the hotel room.

10. When your spouse inquires, 'Just what in the hell have you been doing?' just say, 'Recalling the allure of all night flying to romantic places.' as you collapse into bed.

11. If you are a purist, do this two nights in a row.

12. To make this 'flight' more realistic find a stranger with gas and body odor, who you dislike, is boring and keeps falling asleep, to be your Captain. 

 

If we can laugh at the not-so-fun parts of the job, we will appreciate the joy that much more. 

Aviation, it’s still the best job in the world.

Enjoy the Journey

XOX Karlene

20 comments:

  1. Haha this is awesome Karlene. I'm probably a lot more entertained by that than I should be. I'm probably the boring gassy stranger in this scenario.

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    1. I think those of us who have been there are easily entertained by this. I was, too.

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  2. Karlene, this is great. It really made my day. I have everything set up in my home like that except for the sprinkler system. It is a shame on my part that my 777 FO/ 747 Captain has had to ask me to use Listerine but so far that's the only complaints I've received regarding smells. And I've fallen asleep on occasion. Also, thanks for the NWA pics they are always welcome here. I am counting on you to join me on the virtual deck this summer for the DTW AMS anniversary flight sim.

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    1. I am so glad to make your day. you've made many of mine. You are so welcome for the NWA pictures. I have more. I'll keep them coming. Would love to join you on the virtual deck this summer for the anniversary flight.

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  3. This surprisingly sounds familiar ...
    Though I don't fly at night.
    Only up to 2am (3-4 ish when we have delays) and the earliest earlies start at 5:50am (work starting at about 4:20 with the paperwork on a four sector day). This is "evening" and "morning" ...

    Ahhh the smelly and/or sleepy Captain.

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    1. Yes... we know the meaning of evening and morning. When I fly overseas, I don't even want to know what time it is.

      Yes.... the smelly, sleepy captain...this is why it's good to be the king.

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  4. Sounds like my daily basis !!! Happy landings karlene

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    1. Yes it does! Thank you so much! Happy landings to you too.

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  5. Laughing is good, and this really made me laugh. Just what I needed on this rough day!

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    1. Yes, after reading your blog... I know why you needed a laugh. Just remember, those rough days make the others that much more special.

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  6. Ha Ha !!!

    I think you got the script for a comedy movie ready !!!!!

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    1. Yes... and laughter is the best medicine. This is an excellent script. Multiple versions floating about. All great.

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  7. i am saving this haha
    so awesome :)

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    1. Then one day you can sit in your closet and...
      Thanks for the comment!

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  8. Am I your only reader who's not a professional pilot? I enjoyed this, but it sounds like the others have experienced it. LOL

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    1. Yes... many of us have experienced it. But... we have many people who aren't professional pilots. Or pilots. But just plane wonderful people. Thanks for the comment!

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  9. Shouldn't there be some kind of performance test before you leave the closet for the night (simulating a landing)? Maybe an algebra problem or having to balance a spoon on your nose.
    :-)

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    1. Yes! How could we forget the landing? I like balancing the spoon on your nose while performing the algebra problem in your head. And we could stand on one leg to simulate a strong crosswind. Excellent thoughts.

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