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"We are the protagonists of our stories called life, and there is no limit to how high we can fly."

Type rated on A330, B747-400, B747, B757, B767, B737, B727. International Airline Pilot / Author / Speaker. Dedicated to giving the gift of wings to anyone following their dreams. Supporting Aviation Safety through training, writing, and inspiration.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Qantas Airlines: Repair Division

Captain Jack sent me the following email, and it made me smile. So, I'm thinking we should all smile. And... put a little plug in for Quantas for their safety record.

Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny............
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

Laughter is the best medicine, and when you can find it at work... you've got to embrace it!

 Enjoy The Journey!
XO Karlene


  1. LOL, that is funny! Laughter is the best medicine for sure :)

  2. It is indeed, love that last one! Had me rolling. Wow though, pilots need a degree and mechanics just have to graduate high school?! Kinda scary.

    1. It is kind of scary. We put our lives in their hands. But, on that note, those who having been doing for a long time have learned from experience. But the modern planes... it's interesting.

  3. Pilots don't need a degree, the CFI I'm learning from doesn't have one and is quite good.

    1. Quantas Pilots need one. You're right... a CFI doesn't. But if he wanted to fly for the airlines today, he would.

  4. Seen it before, but had to read it all again. Love it.

    1. Me too! Sometimes it's fun to remember and smile. Thanks for dropping by.


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